antisocial

you can learn to feel connected even when you are alone

hi friend,

i have only recently accepted that my natural rhythm is to be alone most of the time.

going from an office with a small group of people where i talked a lot every day to working from home and then being self-employed during the pandemic was a huge shift.

i was extremely cautious for the first six months of the pandemic, which meant i rarely saw anyone. i think this flung my social pendulum into a place of starvation, so once i felt more safe with seeing a small circle, i felt more pressure to regularly socialize.

every time it felt kind of “safe” to see people based on restrictions lifting, i felt like i had to jump at the chance and fill up my social calendar. after i got fully vaccinated, i remembered feeling pressure to be “normal” again, having plans with multiple people every week.

luckily i had a chat with my therapist that let me find some equilibrium.

she helped me realize that as a creative and writer, it’s my preference to be alone for extended periods of time.

i remember in high school, i’d often spend the entire summer alone, not wanting to see friends for more than a few days. for me, the rhythm of going to school every day for ten months of the year did not match my natural rhythm. and to offset that, without really thinking about it, i would hermit in the summer.

being in therapy has helped me look back on a lot of my childhood behaviours in a more positive light. i always thought i was kind of “weird” for not wanting to socialize in the summer, but the more i started accepting my natural rhythm, the more it made sense.

now, i only say yes to spending time with people when i actually feel like it. i listen to my body and mind and give it time to be alone for extended periods if it needs to be.

i’ve gotten rid of the shame i used to have after going a week without meeting up with a friend. i feel less pressure to appear social online, or to prove that “i have friends.” of course i have friends and i love them dearly. but i don’t need to hang out with people every day to feel supported and to support them. and i don’t have to force social interactions to maintain a feeling of community.

i can participate in community and friendships in ways that honour myself. and i can feel connected even when i’m alone.

xoxo
m