how i became self-employed (part one)
though my poetry is succinct, my storytelling is not
🌧 click here to listen to silk chiffon by muna ft. phoebe bridgers (warning: gay propaganda)
happy thursday my favourite people!
i’m excited for today’s topic, and i don’t have much preamble in me, so let’s get to the moon (ed: thank god i didn’t have a lot of preamble, this letter probably has a higher word count than my books 😂).
i would give you the moon
the moon is in libra! i love this explanation of the shift from the new moon in virgo to the moon in libra.
libra is one of the more outgoing astrological energies, largely in part because it’s an air sign.
as the natural ruler of the 7th house of love and marriage, libra is a great moon for romance and going on dates. if you’re single or just don’t feel like being around people (hello, it’s me), this is a great moon energy to focus on balance–the symbol for libra is scales after all. if you’ve had a busy few days, take it slow today. if you’ve had a few slow days, do something fun!
how i became self-employed (part one)
to celebrate nine months of being self-employed, i thought i would do some reflection in this letter.
for anyone who doesn’t know, i quit my job as a product manager at a tech company at the end of last year. my last day of being a salaried employee was december 23, 2020, and i’ve been relying 100% on royalties from my books to support myself ever since.
my main goals in writing about self-employment are 1) to capture this moment in time for myself and 2) to help anyone reading this who would like to be self-employed some day feel like it’s a little more in reach.
before taking the plunge and quitting my job, i had followed self-employed people on social media for years, and hearing about their journeys helped self-employment feel like an actual option for me.
here are a few of my faves:
lacey heels, mindset and success coach
a medium named bri
denisse myrick, creator and photographer
arielle estoria, poet and writer
rupi kaur, poet and author
i could write a letter about each of these women and the ways in which they influenced my dreams, but if you start following them and see how they live their lives, i’m sure you’ll figure it out pretty quickly!
how do i become successful?
one of the questions i get most often is, “how do i become a successful writer?”
i want to preface this by saying that i think ambition is amazing and having goals for yourself, especially as a woman or nonbinary person, is fantastic.
but i can honestly say i have never once thought, “how do i become a successful writer?” up until the end of 2020, i would literally laugh out loud if someone asked me if i thought i could be an author full-time.
the main reason i’d recommend reframing this question is that it’s likely you’ll spend a lot of time being “unsuccessful.” especially if you define success in terms of sales or followers. and if your main motivator is being successful in that way, it’s going to be pretty fucking hard to stick with it until you’re successful.
instead of “how do i become a successful [whatever you want to be]”, i would ask questions like:
how does my work help me?
how do i help people with my work?
how do i create community?
how do i make people feel seen?
these are the main goals i have for sharing my work. even early on, i was getting messages and seeing a small community form that affirmed all of those questions. and messages like, “i’m so glad you shared this, i’m going through something similar,” were what motivated me to post every day and be vulnerable online. i can’t say for certain, but i don’t think i would have had the motivation to stick with it for three years without making a sustainable income if my main goal was success. i probably would’ve felt like i wasn’t getting anywhere, and i probably would’ve given up.
so what did i do?
i started posting poetry on my personal instagram (which no longer exists) in 2016. i had a few friends who were into it, but most of my followers at that time were people from my high school or work colleagues so…
in 2017, the first iteration of @michaelapoetry was born (i think it was something like @_mapoetry at first? i wanted to be anonymous because i was writing about people in my life 😂). once i committed to starting a poetry account, i posted every day for about four months. around that time, i got my first “do you have a book?” DM on instagram. i realized i had posted 120 poems by that point, and in fact, did have a book.
my nana passing at the end of 2017 inspired the poems in the last section of when he leaves you, titled perspective. i definitely wobbled on whether or not i would release it (especially since i was quite focused on anonymity back then and somewhat terrified of everyone reading what i wrote about them), but having poems about her published seemed really special and like it was supposed to happen.
i submitted when he leaves you to andrews mcmeel publishing on january 17, 2018, never heard back, self-published anyway in march 2018, followed up with them TWICE to update on sales (i am nothing if not persistent), and FINALLY got a rejection on may 23, 2019.
this was my first rejection letter! i was excited that they even responded. and it was pretty nice for a rejection letter.
(of course it is WILD to me that they are publishing my next book! linked here if you didn’t know that was a thing)
burning out
as a sagittarius mercury, i am incapable of telling a story linearly, so i’m going to bounce back to march 2018, when when he leaves you came out. i went HAM with the promotion. and though i wasn’t making enough sales to support myself financially, that was never my expectation, so i was happy with how things were going.
your first book is like your baby. i was so proud, and i just wanted everyone to know about it. i did photoshoots with the book every week and posted about it every day. it was the biggest accomplishment of my life.
the high was SO HIGH that of course, it couldn’t be sustained. so in the summer of 2018, four months after when he leaves you was published, i started experiencing major burnout and depression. i had a very intense “now what?” feeling. i had accomplished something so big, one of my biggest life dreams… i thought it was going to change everything? change how i saw myself? make me less anxious? make me feel happier? but at the end of the day, it was just a book, and i was still me.
i wish i had a better explanation as to how i got out of the burnout/depression combo, but mainly, i slowed down and got beatrice (with the money i made from when he leaves you). i don’t think dogs are the answer to depression for everyone, especially if your depression would interfere with your ability to take care of a dog, but on dark days, bea is 100% what keeps me here.
up until august 2020, income from my books was enough extra money to have a dog. and i wouldn’t have had it any other way!
you’ll come back to yourself
art imitates life, and so, after going through this experience (plus talking to a guy online who ended up having a girlfriend of seven years), in august 2019, i published you’ll come back to yourself.
i learned my lesson from the when he leaves you burn out and went way less ham in promoting it. i was proud to have written a second book, and was okay with it being my sophomore slump. i actually thought it was a worse book than when he leaves you. probably partially because in the beginning, you’ll come back to yourself sold much less than when he leaves you. but since i was focused on my tech job, i didn’t mind being an author on the side and having enough extra income for a dog.
though nothing i had done up until this point directly led to me being self-employed, i learned SO much. i learned resilience, i learned how to consistently create content, i experimented with my voice and writing style, i made my first online friends who were writers all over the world.
michaela, i thought you were gonna write about being self-employed
when i first started writing about my journey to self-employment, i thought i was going to write about the six months leading up to being self-employed, but based on what i’ve written so far…
i think i didn’t want to glamorize it! i LOVE my life. i’m living my dream and i get to do what i want every day. but i spent three years laying the foundation while also having a full-time job. i have no regrets and i learned so much, but jumping in with, “in august 2020 my tiktok went viral!” would be too much of an abbreviation.
i almost convinced myself that by writing about the ups and downs of my first three years, i was making self-employment seem out of reach (which was the opposite of what i wanted to do), but my main point is: if you’re working on something right now, or have just started something, and you don’t feel like it’s picking up in the way you hoped… it’s totally okay! just because something doesn’t start out “successful” doesn’t mean you should abandon it. it might just mean you need to reframe why you’re doing it so you have the motivation to keep going.
of course morgan harper nichols just posted this, her timing is always so good:
i’m going to stop here for now! if you wanted one part, i’m sorry, but this is already almost too long to send in an email.
and if you’re not subscribed and want part two in your inbox next week, do it up:
poetry prompt
if you have fallen off because this letter is really fucking long, i don’t blame you. but if you’re still here, you better believe i have a prompt for us. get out your pen! and share your poem in the comments if you write one 🖊
prompt: give yourself a pep talk
hey you,
it’s me
guess what?
you’re doing better
than you ever thought you’d be
i know right now
you’re alone a lot
a caterpillar once more
you thought you’d never
have to make a cocoon again
but this is your process
chrysalis to butterfly
dark before you can see light
you are not alone
you are connected
you’re not doing it wrong
you’re living in your flow
and finally, a… reel?
i just saw this last night (of course @chasingdenisse shared it–i’m telling you, follow her), and it feels very in line with where i’m going in part two. enjoy!
my wonderful sweetest dears, if you did not read all this i completely understand, but if you did, know that i adore you!
as always, leave me a comment if you got something on your mind or want to share the poem you wrote this week:
we are almost at 500 subscribers! bonkers! if there’s someone in your life who would enjoy this letter, please share it with them:
xoxo see you next week for part two,
m
I really enjoy reading your newsletters. As a writer you inspire me! Thank you, Melissa
you said your story telling isn’t on point but you ended on a cliffhanger! excited to read part two!