microdosing 🍄

for legal reasons, this is a joke

🍄 click here to listen to the playlist i made the first time i ever microdosed

hello my favourite people!

first things first, i got a mean review of please love me at my worst this week (and it’s the top review on amazon.com).

i might make “dumb and edgy” merch.

if you liked the book, i would appreciate if you left a review SO MUCH!

(thank you to everyone who saw my tiktok and insta stories and wrote reviews already!)

now on to the moon…

la luna

when you’re reading this, the moon will be in taurus.

as a virgo moon (also an earth sign), i adore a taurus moon. especially after the heat of the aries full moon.

The Godfather of Scorpios 𓃰 @himtuition

If you have any major issue to address or someone you need to let have a piece of your mind, wait until Thursday when the Moon is exalted in Taurus. You will be more emotionally stable then and will communicate from your logic and heart equally.

i love how grounded and stable it is after feeling like i’m walking on HOT LAVA with the moon in aries, i love that it’s nap and snack time.

the downfall of taurus is that it can feel like molasses after the aries moon. if you’ve had a chaotic few days with the moon in aries and feel a need to continue that energy, the taurus moon sternly says, “pause.”

microdosing

let’s just say everything i write about next is hypothetical.

disclaimer: this is not medical advice! i am not a doctor and i have a very rudimentary understanding of science. i’m writing about my own (hypothetical) experiences, and this letter is not an exhaustive resource. if you are already on medication or have any health concerns, please consult your doctor before trying anything. if you have a therapist, this is a good thing to talk to them about too!

when i posted a story poll to see if you wanted me to write about living alone as a woman or microdosing, most of you chose living alone as a woman (which i wrote about last week, read it here), but i did get some DMs asking me to cover microdosing.

and here we are!

i first heard about microdosing in 2016 from a coworker who wanted to try microdosing LSD. i was very judgmental of the concept. taking drugs? while at work?!

the next time i heard about microdosing was in 2020 through a tiktok that probably got deleted for violating community guidelines. around this time, i learned that people microdosed psilocybin (aka magic mushrooms) as a more natural alternative to LSD.

the more i learned, the more i realized that microdosing wasn’t actually that big of a deal. i grew up with the mindset that “drugs are bad” (if you have that mindset too, this article about how the war on drugs and white supremacy are linked is worth the read). i didn’t even try smoking weed until shortly before it was legalized in canada.

but what really validated microdosing for me is that johns hopkins and many other reputable research centres are studying its efficacy for depression and other mental illnesses.

what is microdosing?

just to make sure we’re all on the same page: when you microdose, you take a very small amount (i only take 100 mg when 1 gram or more is needed for visual effects).

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. @gayforglossier

microdosing a good childhood by watching gentle parenting videos on tiktok

(iykyk)

in case you’re curious, the most i’ve taken at once is 500 mg (i would consider this more than a microdose). i ate barbecued sausages and corn right after (horrible idea) and i felt nauseous and laid down for a while 😂 after the nausea wore off, i felt kind of dreamy (no visual effects, but i was impaired enough to not feel comfortable driving).

it’s not a perfect comparison, but if a microdose of 100 mg is like having one beer, 500 mg is like having five beers.

reddit

if you are not an internet person, reddit may drum up mental images of grown men in stinky basements typing with greasy fingers.

though that is probably more than 50% of reddit, i love using it to read about people’s first hand experiences. and r/microdosing has great resources.

this thread and this thread and a lot of the things they link to are what i read first.

my experience

what ultimately made me try microdosing was the way people describe how it makes them feel. freer to express their emotions, more in tune with nature, and more creative. and bonus, many people report that microdosing lessens symptoms of anxiety and depression.

as someone who has dealt with anxiety and depression my whole life, having something to assist me on my journey was really enticing.

i tried microdosing for the first time at the end of april this year.

i read all of the reddit threads, did a lot of googling, and got over the fear that i would get arrested.

i felt like i was in a good place to start–i had a routine of journaling and meditation, i was regularly going to therapy and going on walks every day. one of the biggest things that all my reading emphasized (which i totally agree with after doing this for six months) is that microdosing isn’t some magical cure.

if you don’t currently have the time, capacity, or resources (financial or otherwise) to dedicate to your mental health, there is literally zero judgment from me. i know how lucky i am to have so much free time to float around and (hypothetically) try small amounts of hallucinogens, and to afford therapy.

that said, if you’re not in a place where you have time or money to spend on your mental health and/or you don’t have any other practices that help you feel good, microdosing is probably not the first thing you should try.

my protocol

at the start, i took premade capsules with 100 mg once every three days (one day on, two days off). this is a protocol that’s recommended by a lot of people (i think it was originally suggested by james fadiman)–essentially it’s enough to have an impact and do some brain rewiring without building a tolerance. i’ve now switched to once every four days, simply due to personal preference.

the first time i took a capsule, i had never experienced mushrooms before.

once you take it, it’s supposed to kick in around 30 minutes to an hour later, and the effects are supposed to last from four to six hours.

here are some of the things i considered before taking it:

• i made sure i had nothing to do that day

• i had a small breakfast (some people recommend you have it on an empty stomach)

• i planned to go for a walk, get coffee and journal in the cemetery

• i took it at around 10 am

• i didn’t drive (just to be super cautious the first time)

• i texted a friend so someone knew what i was doing

• i put a sign inside my door as a reminder for myself (it said “you’re on mushrooms” lmao i’m embarrassing)

• i was very aware of being careful while crossing the street

• i had peppercorns on hand (sniffing them is supposed to help if you get stuck in a thought spiral, but i never ended up using them)

• i left notes for myself in my journal (like, reminder: you’re on mushrooms, remember your peppercorns)

• i recorded how i felt in my journal

how it makes me feel

if you’ve ever ingested a mind-altering substance, you know that you just pay attention to everything a little bit more the first time. i was definitely more aware of my surroundings the first few times, but i’ve never felt high while microdosing.

for me, the effects are significantly less noticeable than even… drinking one can of beer (i told you it wasn’t a perfect comparison). it’s not even remotely comparable to the impairment you experience after eating edibles or smoking a joint. it’s a little closer to how you feel if you take a small amount of CBD oil, but it’s much less numbing and more bright.

sarah @sans_sarah_

Microdosing psilocybin actually does what people want you to think CBD does

Valerie @MADtastically

So....uh today I tried a very low, like maybe lower than microdosing (idk) of a certain fungus and holy shit. I don't remember the last time not a single joint in my body hurt until today. I didn't get high at all, felt totally clear, totally sober, but literally zero pain

it’s more about how it makes you feel and how it makes your brain think differently than experiencing a feeling of intoxication.

some examples of effects:

• everything seems more bright (i’ve never had visual hallucinations, but in the beginning, i definitely noticed lights more–honestly i think this has been one of the biggest factors that has improved my depression… hard to explain, but i’ll try later)

• i’m much more likely to want to go outside

• nature stands out more and i feel a deeper appreciation for it. i’m a tree hugger now!

• i’m more likely to want to cook or eat nutrient rich foods (on ‘on’ days, i’ll eat vegetables as a snack which is not very common for me)

• i’m more likely to want to do creative things (writing, drawing, making playlists, dancing)

• i think of things in ways i’ve never thought of before, especially in regards to past experiences and trauma. a lot of people describe feeling like there are new connections being made in your brain that were blocked before, and i’ve 100% had that experience many times. it’s been a game-changer in terms of questioning past negative or limiting beliefs.

• i feel more open to new experiences, better at expressing my emotions, more in tune with my emotions, and more willing to FEEL my emotions (therapy, self help books and journaling have been huge for this too)

and there have been no negative side effects that have come to my awareness yet!

depression

if you’ve dealt with symptoms of depression that have made you feel like not going outside or doing anything at all, you probably recognize that a lot of the things in the above list are the opposite of feeling depressed.

i want to try to elaborate on things seeming brighter but it’s hard to explain. depression can often feel like a mental fog, and though i still experience that fog sometimes (feels very hard to avoid with the pandemic), a lot of it feels like it’s lifted. like i can just see and think clearer.

one kind of random thing i noticed is that i use filters on my instagram stories way less. i used to ALWAYS use a filter for the “aesthetic” (no tea no shade if you do this, they’re pretty) but in my first few weeks of microdosing, i completely stopped. maybe it was a coincidence, maybe it was my increased appreciation of nature? i still use filters sometimes, but i also have this impulse to capture things as they are.

(sidenote: i’ve been taking vitamin d every day for the past year and a half, which i think has really helped! again, not a doctor, and no i don’t think vitamins cure depression, but most people are deficient in vitamin d and there are studies of the association between vitamin d deficiency and depression. it’s also supposed to be great for seasonal depression.)

anxiety

when i first started, i didn’t notice any effect on my anxiety. compared to depression, my anxious symptoms have definitely been the most consistent in my life, so it’s almost harder to notice when they decrease. i don’t know if that makes a ton of sense, but it feels like there’s always going to be a baseline of anxiety in my brain.

i took a break from microdosing for a few weeks when i got my vaccines, and looking back, i definitely experienced more anxiety around those times. it’s also around when i was moving, so i was losing my grip on my other self care practices too–honestly, it’s hard to really know, i’m not doing a perfectly controlled experiment here 😂

but now that i’ve been back on again for about two months consistently and have gotten into a better routine with my self care practices (journaling, going to therapy, getting massages and acupuncture), i do feel like i’ve noticed a huge difference in my anxiety. as in, there are times when i do not feel anxious. it might not sound like much, but that is huge for me.

(sidenote: i’ve almost completely cut out coffee for over a year, which has had a big impact on my anxiety. i’ll still have a pumpkin spice latte every once in a while, but on other days it’s matcha, chai, green tea, or nothing at all.)

i think therapy, journaling, and getting better at processing emotions when they come up vs. hiding them for later has made a big impact too… but maybe microdosing has helped with all of the above!

if only i had isolated my variables 😅

final thoughts

now that i’ve been doing it for six months, i don’t prepare anything special on the days i take it. it’s just like a normal day, but i’m more inclined to spend time in nature, eat vegetables, or be creative. i have noticed that sometimes it makes it harder to fall asleep, so i take it as early as i remember to on the ‘on’ days.

when i first considered microdosing, i literally thought i would just do it for three weeks (i got a 6 pill sample pack… hypothetically) to see what it was like. i had the mindset of not wanting to be “dependent” on something.

now, i’m pretty committed to it! like i said earlier, i’m doing once every four days, but honestly, i feel like i’ll do it in some capacity for the rest of my life.

my depression and anxiety aren’t completely gone, but (i’m getting emotional writing this) having this thing that so clearly lessens their symptoms, lets me feel lighter, and like i can and should enjoy life more is so powerful.

this will be my first year fighting seasonal depression while microdosing and i have a feeling i’m going to appreciate the beauty of the snow way more.

meg(han) @cherrrrybomber

microdosing my seasonal depression (listening to all too well and dear john back to back)

poetry prompt

i was ALMOST gonna skip this because the letter is so long, but then i found the tiktok i wanted to share and got inspired.

though what i’ve shared about my experience with microdosing is pretty rosy (maybe i was subconsciously trying to lighten up after last week’s pitter patter), going through this healing experience, going to therapy, getting past the trauma i’m comfortable talking about and getting deep into the shame i have around things that i’ve experienced…

i feel like a newborn chick in a lot of ways.

i had a really powerful therapy session last week where i told my therapist something i had never told anyone, and right before the session, the base of the chair i was sitting on broke. i literally fell to the ground.

it inspired this poem.

prompt: write about starting again

i shone a light on all the cracks
in my foundation
fell to the ground
when i realized
what was holding me up
was holding me back
now that i have nothing but earth
i can plant seeds just for me
now that i’ve met my shadows
i can grow from a place of light

and now… a tiktok

i love healingtok, i love traumatok, i love therapytok. kendra is one of my fave people to see pop up on my fyp.

“in order to heal, you have to crumble.”

if you’re still here, i appreciate you! that was a long one. i hope you enjoy the random tweets i dropped in that i found when i looked up ‘microdosing’ on twitter. i was trying to break up the text (i know tweets are text too…) 😂

i just realized this is the FIFTEENTH edition of free pitter patter (you can read past editions in the archive), and i think i deserve a break. so unless i come up with a great topic idea next week, i’ll be back on november 4.

as per usual, if you wrote a poem to the prompt, leave it in the comments! let me know if you have any questions about microdosing and feel free to share your own (hypothetical) experience with it.

i really appreciate y’all DMing me to tell me you enjoy the letter but it would be so nice to create a lil community in the comments!

if you’re reading this and you’re not subscribed, subscribe for free to get this letter in your inbox every thursday at 10 am ET.

and if you know someone who might be interested in microdosing, share this with them!

that’s it for now, talk to you on november 4.

xoxo
m