never have i ever passed up the chance to talk about childhood trauma
or astrology
🌧 click here to listen to my ‘manifest’ playlist
hello sweethearts!
i have fully MOVED & UNPACKED. shout out to the moon in sagittarius.
today, the moon is in capricorn (another great day to get shit done) and almost full (full moon will be in aquarius at 1 degree at 10:36 pm ET on friday july 23). i haven’t even started to wrap my head around the full moon (wasn’t it just a new moon?!), but it’s in my eighth house, so… more death and rebirth, baby!
i tried to find a post explaining how to find where the new or full moon lands in your own chart, but none of them were very good, so let me know if you want an explanation in the future.
enough moon reporting (honestly, i trust astrologers more than meteorologists, they should be on the news every morning)… let’s talk moving!
moving tips
if you’ve been following along with my insta stories, you know i moved on tuesday! my great friend, chinye, said i should compile a list of moving tips, and it seems like literally everyone is moving lately, so here i go!
1. sell before you move
one of the things that made my move go smoothly was having less stuff. if you have the time, it’s definitely worth contemplating where all your stuff will go, and if it will make sense in your new space. if something doesn’t seem like it will fit, off to facebook marketplace! i said goodbye to my beloved dresser because even though i ADORE it, there really wasn’t a place for it in the house (luckily it went to friends so i can visit it).
2. hire movers
i know this isn’t feasible for everyone–this is actually the first move of my life where i felt i could afford movers (and i’ve moved seven times). i used you move me (they have movers all across canada and the U.S.) and had such a good experience. they came in under quote (was quoted 4.5 hours, they took 2.75), disassembled and reassembled my bed for me, had the great idea of putting my 5 foot tall cactus into a wardrobe box to keep it safe, and were super friendly and professional. not sponsored, i was just really impressed!
3. put it all in boxes
the first time i ever moved, i remember having so many little bags and containers. i think i got slightly better at packing with every move, but if something came in its own bag (like a sleeping bag or tent), i wouldn’t put it in a box. if you’re like me (read: neurotic lmao), the sight of a ton of boxes is very overwhelming, and i used to feel like i was “winning” if i had less boxes (winning what? unsure). but this move, i just put everything in totes or boxes. i think it helped a ton, especially since i had movers (though if you’re moving yourself or with friends and family, i still think it’s way easier to stack boxes on a trolly than carry little individual things… even though it looks intimidating).
4. label everything
the movers were great in that they asked for a tour so they could learn what i called every room, and then actually read the labels on my boxes and put things in the right room! even if you have movers that don’t do that, it’s obviously very helpful to know what’s inside of a cardboard box. i even made little notes of things i knew would be helpful (like where bea’s dishes were).
5. pack a suitcase
by this i mean, put anything you know you’ll want on the first night (e.g. toiletries, pjs, sheets) in a specific bag or box so you can get to it right away. depending on how fast you plan to unpack, you can do this with clothes and other necessities for the first week or two. i also made a mental note or actual note of anything important that i definitely wanted to remember (like where my passport was). there’s nothing worse than one, not being able to find your shower supplies after a sweaty day of moving, and two, freaking out because you can’t remember where you put your passport.
did i just go check the bin where i put my passport to make sure it was still there? yes, yes i did.
never have i ever…
loved a show as much as never have i ever.
let me tell you a brief history of my one-sided love affair with mindy kaling (executive producer and co-creator of never have i ever). i first loved her in the office, as we all did. then i read her autobiography, is everyone hanging out without me? (and other concerns), and i TRULY have never felt more seen by a book (even though i never played ben affleck in an off-broadway play). i since learned that mindy is also a gemini rising, which makes a lot of sense, mainly due to our joint adoration of the enemies to lovers trope, and jokes that can only be described as “burns”. and yes, i have seen every episode of the mindy project.
one of my favourite things about never have i ever is that it’s maybe one of the first tv shows where a young female lead (definitely a young female lead of colour) is allowed to make shitty decisions and occasionally learn from them.
spoilers ahead!
one particular scene that struck a chord with me (and by chord i mean, poked my childhood trauma in the eye), that i even made notes about for this letter, was when common (i will look up his character name for you… dr. chris jackson, devi’s mom’s love interest), tells nalini (devi’s mom), that when your kids ask you for something, you just say yes.
what did this trigger in me? my hyperindependence trauma!
before i go on to talk about childhood trauma, i would like to disclaim. disclaimer: i know raising kids is one of the most difficult jobs a human can have, and i also know how much i don’t know, since i’ve never had kids. i certainly acknowledge that the 90s (when i was raised) were a different time, all books about having kids back then were about potty training, and there weren’t hundreds of instagram therapists posting infographics about childhood emotional neglect every day.
all that said, i still experienced childhood emotional neglect, and i have a pretty deep seated belief that people won’t show up for me.
dr. jackson telling nalini that she should just say yes to devi, nalini following through by talking to aneesa’s mom when devi asks her to, and devi hugging her mom with so much gratitude after she helped her, made me sob.
spoilers over!
there is so much power in taking a child’s requests seriously. i don’t know the exact time or place where i learned that i couldn’t ask my parents to meet my emotional needs, i just know i never learned that i could. if i felt safe to ask my parents for small things, knowing i wouldn’t be dismissed because i was a silly kid, i would probably have a much easier time asking for help as an adult.
poetry prompt
it’s that time again… get out your journal or notes app and write with me 🖊
prompt: never have i ever
never have i ever
had sex in the backseat of a car
or felt like i could trust someone
like they would never fail me
at least not fully
never have i ever
done the naked mile
or thought someone would say yes
when i asked for help
(and if they did they would resent me)
never have i ever
gone bungee jumping
or thrown out my backup plan
after hesitantly relying on someone
and getting let down
never have i ever
made out in a movie theatre
or showed someone my shadow
asked them to love me in spite of it
(but if they did i wouldn’t believe them)
if any of this resonates with you, i recommend the book running on empty: overcome your childhood emotional neglect. it was recommended to me by my therapist, and though it is pretty sad to read if you relate to it, it gave me a deeper understanding of myself.
and if you’re thinking, “well i don’t need help, i can do everything on my own and am perfectly fine being alone forever.” number one, are you me a few years ago? and two…
i have a tiktok for you
that’s all for this week, my loves! thank you for your comments last week, i love that y’all are reading this, you make me feel very special and loved.
if you want to trauma dump, comments are open lmao:
and if you’re reading this and have yet to subscribe, do it UP to get this chaotic (but fun) letter in your inbox every thursday:
hey thank you for opening up about your childhood trauma. sending some
hugs and flowers. i love how people are talking about it now and the way things are changing (for better). i personally have a lot of healing to do when it comes to my emotional health. and and i really liked the second season of never have i ever, excited for the third + next newsletter💖🌈🧚🏻♀️
Oof. Looks like I have a new book to add to my list. I resonate with emotional needs not being met as a child to the fullest extent. It took me a long time to allow myself to see emotional neglect as a form a childhood trauma.. I thought seemingly having a fairly normal or “good” life ment I couldn’t experience it.
Also, thank you for the packing tips! I am finding myself moving again very soon. ☺️