on being a solitary creative
i’ve been thinking a lot about my creative journey. what it means to be a creative. the ebbs and flows. the downpours and droughts.
before today, i would self-describe as a creative who is solitary. i work alone. most of my work has gone unedited. i put a trust in myself above all else. partially, perhaps, because it’s not easy for me to ask for help.
but also because i am filled to the brim with the demon of self-critique. the sickness that is perfectionism. i don’t necessarily need other critical voices, and i know that allowing too many cooks in the kitchen often makes me question my work even more, lights the perfectionist fire, prevents me from ever clicking ‘publish.’
but today, while in my artist’s way morning pages, i wrote out the affirmation–
“I now accept God’s help unfolding my life”
and though i’m not religious but have religious trauma (and grappling with the artist’s way use of ‘god’ has also been a process of unfolding)–it made me think of all the other forces that are at play in my “solitary” work.
when i write a poem, i am talking to the universe. my ancestors are holding me. poets that came before me are blessing my words as i write them. when i write and create “alone”, i am actually so held. even while writing books in the dark with no connection, i was connected to fellow artists energetically. my entire lineage.
this year i’ve wanted to tap into creative community more, doing more in-person events (for example, a custom poem popup for mother’s day at living fresh on may 10, a market with my prints and books at studio 27 on june 8, the heart of it writing retreat at the beginning of august). and i think that will keep me supported and inspired in this realm.
but i guess all of this is to say, if sometimes you feel like a lonely creative, like your process isn’t collaborative enough–remember all those who came before you. those who energetically still support you now. because even when you’re alone, you’re not really. their hands are holding you up.
xoxo
m
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I love this! 💯 Same. I learned from Nancy Hendrickson that our ancestors of Blood, Place, and Time hold us up. There are so many different lineages we can tap into for support as artists. Thankfully, I had a wonderful art teacher who used the word "Source" when talking about where our creativity flows from inside of us. The Artist's Way's use of "God" was triggering, so my brain just automatically yeeted "God" and substituted "Source" lol.