on coming out

happy pride 🌈

hi friend,

when i came out as bi two years ago, i had a pretty narrow view of the coming out process. i felt like i owed it to certain people in my life to tell them in person. i was definitely still in the “putting other people first” phase of my life.

coming out gave me so much anxiety. i did it five times total, and overall the reactions were decent (no one was outwardly homophobic).

still, i had knots in my stomach before. i couldn’t eat. i felt like throwing up. i ruminated about it for days.

since then, i’ve realized i didn’t owe anyone a specific conversation about my sexuality. if i had to do it again, i probably would’ve just posted on instagram.

i think my need to come out in person stemmed from thinking it would be shocking or painful for people in my life to find out online… but my queerness is a beautiful thing, and anyone worth being in my life would just be happy for me no matter how they found out.

all this is to say, you really don’t owe anyone a specific conversation about your sexuality!

if you’re not an anxious person and you feel good about coming out this month or in the future, i send you a lot of love.

but if you’re anxious like me and you’d rather just put a rainbow in your instagram bio so that the girls that get it, get it… i think that’s totally ok and just as valid.

essentially… we don’t owe straight people sh*t! you can come out in a variety of ways but the most important thing is that you feel safe and comfortable.

happy pride ily,
m

p.s. i have merch now!

p.p.s. there is a hardcover version of you’ll come back to yourself (i am waiting till i get my copy to tell the world so you heard it here first)

p.p.p.s. my fourth book, poems for the signs, is coming out july 18, 2022. mark your cal!