receiving
what happens when you accept that you deserve good things
(ed: trying to figure out who i was in love with in fall 2016 that made me put everyday on this playlist)
hello loves!
it’s still scorpio season, the weather is beautiful, and the air feels like it’s full transformational energy. it’s my birthday next week, venus just went into capricorn (which is my natal venus), mars is in scorpio (dark and sexy)… i am feeling some type of way.
the moon
when you’re reading this, the moon will be in aquarius. our fave weirdo of the zodiac. i think an aquarius moon during scorpio season is even more fun than usual.
if you’ve been feeling the urge to get into something a little darker lately, now’s the time. i think the “i do what i want” energy of aquarius plus the witch death energy of scorpio is a fun vibe (i know i’m saying this as a scorpio sun–if this scares you… i’m sorry 😂).
i’m just saying… release yourself from judgement and get weird today.
receiving
i’ve been wanting to talk about how my word of the year for 2021 was ‘receiving’, but i’ve never known where to start.
(i drew this on my iPad and printed it out at the end of 2020. it sits on my altar and i’ve looked at it every day since.)
as soon as i start writing about receiving, i feel the need to disclaim that i’m not just running around accepting handouts and not giving back. but i think that hits on why learning a receiving mindset is so important.
we’re often taught that receiving is selfish. and we need to return what we’ve received. if you’re reading this, there’s a good chance that you’re more comfortable with giving than receiving.
the thing i’ve realized is that when you’re so worried about seeming selfish, you often consciously or unconsciously reject the gifts the universe wants to give you.
how receiving has shown up in my life
when in the past, i would’ve felt like getting things for free was taking advantage, now i accept them as they come.
i’m just gonna list a bunch of examples so you get a feel for what i mean. if you feel judgment pop up while reading any of these, i welcome you to look at it lovingly and question where it’s coming from.
when i bought incense from incense republic at a market, she offered me free samples of my choosing. before, i would’ve seen this as an extra hassle for her and politely declined. now, i thought to myself ‘receiving’, and accepted the samples.
a few months ago, i drove through wendy’s and got a wrap i didn’t order on top of what i did order. before, i would’ve felt guilty or like i needed to go in and tell them what happened. now, i knew they wouldn’t have taken it back because of health regulations anyway, and i thought to myself, ‘receiving’.
if you didn’t know, i moved into a house in july, and my neighbours have been so helpful. they’ve sharpened my lawnmower blades, edged my lawn for me, raked up leaves in front of my house. before, i would’ve thought, “they think i’m lazy and a bad homeowner.” i probably would’ve resented them for the story i made up about how they were judging me. now, i think, “how nice is it that i have such generous neighbours who want to help me.”
at the end of the summer for a medium named bri’s appreciation celebration, i wrote custom manifestation poems on a typewriter for attendees. i told everyone the poems were free, and before, i would’ve handed back any money i was given. instead, i thought, ‘receiving,’ and accepted that people wanted to show their appreciation with money.
i paid the deposit to get my upstairs floors redone in july. i didn’t get my floors done until september. it’s november, and the flooring company still hasn’t sent the final invoice. before, i would’ve felt like i needed to follow up with them and pay right away. now, i know they’re a business with processes to get paid, and i’m sure they’ll follow up with me eventually. in the meantime, i’m not going to spend the money i owe them 😂 but i’m thinking of it as temporary receiving.
i recently went on a date and let them buy me drinks. i have a bad habit of offering to split the bill no matter what, even if someone specifically said it was their treat before the date. sometimes i’ve even made the server reprint the bill to split it (annoying, i know). but even before i went on this date, i decided that if they offered, i would let them pay. and i did. receiving.
last week, a chef’s plate box that i didn’t order ended up on my porch. turns out, the previous homeowners accidentally sent it to the wrong address. now that i’m a receiving pro, i immediately accepted this as receiving (and let my realtor know that they should update their address. they got a refund from chef’s plate, too).
some of these are so small, one of them is temporary, one of them is more about seeing help in a positive light. but the most important thing is that i’ve had a mindset shift around abundance showing up in my life.
instead of questioning it, feeling guilty, or like i don’t deserve it, i just accept. and i’m finding that the more i accept, the more good things come my way. in a lot of ways, i think receiving goes hand in hand with surrendering to the universe’s plan for me.
if you keep saying no to small things the universe is offering you, how is it gonna know that you’re ready for bigger and better?
(sidenote: as a white, cis, abled-bodied, small fat person with a high income, it’s likely easier for me to have opportunities to receive. would my neighbours be so helpful if i didn’t “fit in” with the people in their neighbourhood? if i was a person of colour, if i was disabled, if i was trans or fat? maybe not. and though i was raised by first generation canadian parents with a scarcity mindset, they’re still white and definitely received benefits from being white in ways that people of colour and new immigrants don’t.)
poetry prompt
let’s write baby! not to threaten you, but if i don’t see some poems in the comments, i’m gonna start skipping these 😂 even if you just want to journal what comes up for you and comment that you did it (but not share what you wrote)… please give me something lmao.
prompt: how can you open yourself up to receiving?
palms up
arms open
i let the waves
wash over me
i know that salt
is healing
i know the ocean
has more in store for me
than just water
the tide comes in
and i open up a little more
and when the tide goes out
i know it’s getting ready
to bring me something better
than before
and now, a tiktok
this one’s on receiving with a childhood trauma twist. you know that’s my fave.
kind of a short one today, but i still appreciate you reading, as always!
if you wanna share your poem, your experience with receiving, or why you find it hard to receive, leave me a comment:
if this resonated with you and you have a friend who needs to hear it too, feel free to share it with them.
and if you’re reading this and not subscribed, do it up to get this newsletter in your inbox every thursday at 10 am ET.
xoxo,
m
HI :) thanks for another great newsletter!
i am here to prompt cause its my favourite and i dont wanna loose them!
sometimes receiving isnt what we expect
the peace that comes with an end
the beer shared with a friend
the letter your older lover sends.
open up to those moments and let them just be
no need to return or stress cause you see
receiving can be just as good as giving
and opening up to it can be so freeing.