the adventure of surrender

hi friend,

i’ve been flip-flopping between two words of the year for the last few months.

the first is adventure. adventure feels a little scary. i have to spend my whole year seeking adventure? what if i get tired? maybe adventure is not suited to be my word of the whole year. maybe it’s just part of the energy i’m trying to embody. maybe it’s the subheading of the year.

the second is surrender, and is perhaps equally scary. but surrender does feels like a logical follow-up to trust (last year’s word of the year).

in my pursuit of trust over the last year, one of my biggest lessons was how much of an illusion control is. as someone who deals with mental health issues (read: anxiety and depression), whether or not i feel in control is often not related to actual tangible things in my life.

when i feel like i’m spiralling—worried about my paycheque or if i’ll still be able to do this job this year or if i need to get a job or if i’m doing enough in my relationship or if we’re happy or if i’m happy or if anyone is really happy or isn’t happiness just a temporary state—i’m not really paying attention to reality. i’m in a mental vacuum where all i can hold on to are my thoughts. and a lot of the time my thoughts are not things that should be held on to.

a lot of the time my thoughts should be let go.

and maybe this is where surrender comes in. if i have trust in myself and the universe, trust that i always get to where i need to go, and the knowledge that control isn’t real—all that’s left to do is surrender.

this year i will surrender to the will of the universe, knowing that it always has my back. i will meditate to get in touch with my higher self when i need guidance. i will tap into my intuition and follow the spiritual nudges that feel aligned. i will tell my anxiety, “thank you for all you’ve done. we’re safe now. we can let go.”

all my love,

michaela