are you dating people you don’t like?

or are you done with that sh*t?

🌧 click here to listen to my ‘there’s always august’ playlist

happy thursday my loves!

first things first, i decided to let you pay me for writing this every week. if you want to stick to your free emails, literally no worries. but my word of the year is receiving, so if you like this enough to buy me a coffee every month, now you can:

i haven’t fully decided what the paying subscriber perks will be… perhaps a monthly q&a where you can ask me anything? or mini personalized birth chart readings on the new and full moon so you know what themes to manifest or release? if you have ideas, lemme know:

last thing–there’s also a founding member option, which basically means you believe in my ability to create a media company around this newsletter… and i love that for us.

now on to the moon!

just moon things

the moon was in gemini for the last two days, so if you felt all over the place, that’s probably why. gemini is an air sign and the thinker of the zodiac, so the moon being in gemini can definitely make you feel like you can’t focus to save your life and are eternally damned to living in your own mind.

mélanie @earthdombaby

THE MOON IS IN GEMINI

when you’re reading this, the moon will be in cancer. honestly, i find this gemini to cancer moon period one of the hardest to deal with. i basically go from being in my head to feeling too many things–mainly, sad.

all that said, be kind to yourself today! the moon is ruled by cancer and cancer is the most nurturing sign, so the next two days are perfect for slowing down and focusing on self care.

i got a new tattoo

i went to be good tattoo which just opened in hamilton and i was tattooed by andrew (whose books are currently open). he was super nice, explained everything he was gonna do before he did it (which is my favourite–repeatedly giving opportunities for consent when providing a service is the best), and i absolutely love how it looks.

we could pretend i got it because my family is spanish and has olives with every meal… but really, i just thought it was cute.

in terms of pain, it was definitely an uncomfy placement compared to my other tattoos. glad it was just linework and took less than 20 minutes!

dating lessons

i feel like the universe’s current question for me is:

are you dating people you don’t like? or are you done with that shit?

this is my first time dating to see if i like people vs. dating to see if i can get people to like me.

it’s wild how much that one shift changed my approach. my expectations are low—i know that most people on dating apps (which, unfortunately, is where i’m meeting all of my dates) have an avoidant attachment style, and i also know that’s not the kind of person i want to be with (see one of my favourite books: attached. honestly required reading for anyone i seriously date! and helped me so much in regards to setting dating expectations).

i know i literally don’t need to say it but in case you wanted confirmation, YES, my attachment style is anxious.

on top of most single people being avoidant, i know that i simply do not like most people. it’s not that i have anything against the average person, but i do not form a connection with most people i meet. that’s just me, and that’s ok!

for the longest time, i completely shut myself off from my natural instincts in dating. i thought everyone deserved a second date, that not wanting to spend more time with someone was “mean”, that i didn’t necessarily know what i wanted, and that i wasn’t sure if i was attracted to people right away.

feminist sidenote: the framing of things as “mean”, especially when women do them, is a tactic meant to uphold the patriarchy. nice women can’t destroy the systems that oppress them.

though i am demisexual, i definitely know who i want to get to know almost immediately. my intuition is strong and it shows me who should be in my life (the question is whether or not i listen to it).

other than the book attached, being a recruiter for a short period of time in my last job helped me a lot with the “do i actually like this person?” mindset.

long story short, i interviewed over 50 people in the span of six months. throughout that experience, i realized that in the past, i’ve gone on second dates with people i wouldn’t even hire.

why was my standard for hiring higher than my standard for dating?! honestly, because at that point, i saw more worth in the company i worked for than i did in myself.

(brb crying)

through recruiting, i learned that i could screen for important things right away. like passion for life, good communication, and an interest in the role (in dating, this role is… being my partner). conducting so many interviews let me practice trusting my gut, which helped me realize that i don’t need to “get to know someone” if i’m not interested at all from the get go.

advice to my younger self

1. date to see if you like someone, not to try to get them to like you

2. if you don’t like spending time with someone more than being alone, don’t go on a second date

3. not everything has to be black and white. just because you’re not interested in dating someone, it doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. they’re just not for you and that’s ok!

4. even if you’re not feeling the vibe on a first date, you can still enjoy their company and get to know them (unless they’re racist/sexist/classist/homophobic in which case you can chug your drink and leave)

5. your communication needs are valid! if someone takes a day or two (or FIVE, if you watch my stories, you know 🤣) to respond to you leading up to a date, you’re allowed to tell them that you’re not interested in that kind of communication and wish them well!

if you were wondering if i sent that text i posted to my stories yesterday, i did.

here is TIMESTAMPED proof that this individual had the ability to text back quickly, they just weren’t prioritizing our interactions. which, of course, is totally ok, everyone is entitled to their own texting speed.

but, my preference is to text someone who usually responds in a few hours or less. and my preferences in dating matter!

(this might seem obvious to you, but as someone who was taught to bend to the whims of others, learning to prioritize my preferences is a big deal for me!)

poetry prompt

get out your notebook, baby! it’s time to write with me. please share your poems in the comments if you’re writing along!!! (i know asking every week will eventually convince you 😈)

prompt: how do you know if you like someone?

when i’m with you
i can’t help but smile
you make my cheeks hurt
in the best way

when i’m with you
my mind slows down
a once anxious drum
focused, clear

when i’m with you
it could rain and i wouldn’t notice
the sun could go down
but all i’d remember is your hand on mine

you know i have a tiktok for you

i absolutely adore this perspective on love. she also has the most calming energy.

that’s all for this week my dears!

gonna give you the comment button again for easy access. how are you? are you being nice to yourself? are you dating too?

if you liked this letter, feel free to share it with your single friends. just want to make it clear that i am open to being set up.

and if for some reason you haven’t signed up to get this in your inbox every thursday, do it now!

you deserve to surround yourself with people who make you forget the rain.

xoxo
m