sadness, are you there?
it's me
happy thursday my loves!
despite the title of this letter, i am feeling a little more chipper this week. in fact, i am writing to you from the coworking space i told you i was going to try out last week. we love continuity!
an update on my favourite muse
now that the full moon has settled and we’re in VIRGO SEASON (virgo placements rise up), i too, feel like i’m settled and a little more in my body.
when you’re reading this, the moon will be in aries.
aries has similar “get shit done” energy to the capricorn moon from last week’s pitter patter (both cardinal signs), but it’s a little less grounded, and a little more fiery. as the first sign of the zodiac, it’s arguably an even better time to start new projects and initiate creativity.
if you weren’t feeling it last week, this is your sign to get into it (yuh).
the only real warning for the moon in aries, especially so soon after a full moon, is to watch out for anger (whether it’s coming from you or at you). aries is ruled by mars, which is the planet of action, but also aggression.
if you tend to have road rage, or just get pissed off easily, it’s a good time to bring extra awareness to the ways your anger manifests.
the return of community
this past week, i attended two community-driven events, and i gotta say, i didn’t realize how much i missed gathering.
a medium named bri’s appreciation celebration
i had the pleasure of spending my sunday at a medium named bri’s appreciation celebration. if you don’t know bri, she has a natural talent of bringing people together (and talking to the dead).
after a year of a lot of isolation, it was so nice to mask up and spend the afternoon with a bunch of spiritual souls who didn’t flinch when i asked them their astrological signs.
i typed up custom manifestation poems for more than 10 people throughout the afternoon (i shared a few in the instagram post linked above if you want to read them). i interviewed them about what they wanted to let go, how they were feeling, and what they wanted to call in.
this is the fifth time i’ve typewritten poems on the spot for people, and i’m always impressed with how people open up and what i’m able to come up with. my fave, of course, was one written for abbie’s daughter about pokémon.
matt moreland’s greenbelt summer tour
as someone who is often more comfortable socializing via the internet, i have a lot of respect for people who bring the digital into the tangible. and that’s exactly what matt did with his greenbelt summer sunshine & wine tour. matt just published his first poetry collection, and to celebrate, he brought me and a few other poets to victoria park in kitchener to share our work.
it was a seriously lovely evening of poetry and wine. until last week, i hadn’t heard poetry in person since 2018, so it was such a treat to hear other writers talk about the process behind their poems.
if you’re interested in supporting other canadian creatives, check out matt and his book, greenbelt summer, karina vigil (author of anatomy) and mike chaulk (author of night lunch).
therapy lessons
after (too long of) a hiatus, i had therapy again last week. for anyone new here, i see a spiritual psychotherapist about once a month (and more when i need it).
this session, a recurring theme was rejection sensitivity.
we chatted about how, after a year and a half of isolation, there’s a new level of anxiety in reaching out to people (which is one of the reasons i’m so grateful that community events are happening again).
before even asking someone to hang out, i’ve been anticipating the hurt that would come from them saying they’re unavailable. i don’t think it has anything to do with the person i’m reaching out to, i think it’s just that i spent the last year experiencing very little rejection of any kind.
in 2019 i was probably experiencing little rejections here and there a few times a week, but in 2020 and up until recently, i could go weeks without feeling rejected (often because it wasn’t safe to be around people outside my household).
to state the obvious, there’s nothing wrong with someone being busy when you reach out to them. logically, that feels like a very accepted part of life for me. there’s also nothing wrong with not being up for an in-person hang, whatever the reason. as an introvert, this is my swan song.
the more i talked it through with my therapist, the more i realized that it really comes down to my fear of feeling ANY level of sadness. i have a tendency to moralize feelings, and she often reminds me that feelings aren’t bad or good, they just are.
this week, she reminded me that feeling sad is just a part of being human, and not something to avoid.
i identify as a sad girl™, so it’s even more sad (lol) that i have so much shame around being sad.
you hear that? it’s the sound of me getting ready to write about childhood trauma.
“you’re okay”
i think a lot of us weren’t given space for sadness growing up. we were told to stop crying, and our tears were met with, “it’s ok, you’re okay.” we were taught that showing sadness is disruptive.
i personally felt a lot of pressure to be a happy kid. even still, as a sad girl™ adult who makes a living from being sad, i feel pressure to seem happy or like i have it together when i’m around people.
something my therapist said that stuck with me is “maybe sadness is your muse.”
i immediately pictured sadness from inside out and it made me smile. what a lovely reframe.
i don’t need to hide from sadness, i don’t need to run from her or avoid her. she’s my best friend! i need to welcome her with open arms, duh.
poetry prompt
it’s writing time. grab your pen and your notebook and get ready to write with me. and, as always, if you want to share what you’ve written, leave me a comment!
prompt: write a love letter to sadness
sadness, are you there?
it’s me
i brought you flowers
and a toque to wear
when the weather starts changing
show me your hands
will you need mittens too?
oh yeah
i remembered to bring you
some tissues
keep crying
i can understand
what do you need?
a blanket
a pillow
maybe some ice cream?
i’ve written this poem
just for you
cause when you’re sad
of course i still love you
(i know this is cheesy as fuck but writing it made me tear up IN PUBLIC so i highly recommend doing this prompt)
tiktok time
sometimes the tiktoks i share are deep, and sometimes they’re just cows that will make you feel better.
that’s it for now, my friends.
if you’ve stumbled across this letter somehow and are not signed up, please sign up here! it means a lot to me.
you know i love hearing from you, so let me know if you have any virgo placements or if you’re sad leo season is over. and if you happen to visit the web version of this letter and you like it, please click the heart! i know it’s fairly meaningless because the majority of you read this in your inbox, but i want some cheap serotonin.
and as per usual, if you know someone who would enjoy this letter, send it their way!
until next week,
xoxo
m
hello, good evening! your words about being sad and you handling it in general pulled at my heartstrings fr, i often put up a front or force happiness, so when you said its ok to be sad and that sadness is actually needed it was nice to hear. i am very hard on myself and being weak isn't something i enjoy and i criticize myself for it so when i hear you accept it, it makes me feel better and more okay with myself that i'm not the only one who feels these emotions. i also feel bad for being so mean to myself when i think about it as me being mean to a sad version of myself. i almost teared up lol my ms. sadness almost jumped to the front of the table lol, she loves to be at the front lol smh, its alright though i'm used to her at the front. anyways onto poetry, a love letter to sadness.
i honestly hate you
because when you come along
my throat closes up
its hard to breathe
my heart drops
tears well up and sting my eyes
my mind is racing a thousand miles per hour
all i feel is pain and humiliation from being weak
i wish u never existed then id be able to do everything exactly how i need
without my emotions clouding my judgment
but...
as much as i say hate you i cant blame you because you are a child in my universe
meant to exist here within me.
you are just as valid as ms. happy
you may hurt me but without you i wouldn't have ms. happy
so in the end im grateful for u
you're step one in my protection program (step two is anger, step three is indifference)
you're my first one to step up to protect me
you are the one who never forgets
you are the one who teaches me and makes me grow as a person so
i love you, and the rest of the children of emotions within my universe
none of you are bad, all are needed.
im sorry for being so hard on you.
see u next week! 🐇
your poetry prompts have been super reflective for me. here is what is in my brain as a love letter to sadness
Sometimes i wish you werent so clingy.
wrapped around my brain
sometimes i wish youd stay longer.
help me finish this thought
i often act like i do not love you.
but its because im afraid of what comes after.